Getting going again

Oy vey, this being busy with ‘old normal’ really messes with blogging. I think it might be not having so much time to think because that’s all one can do when one is feeling blech.

The news that I’ve been very tardy in sharing is that my CT scan of two weeks ago showed that there had been no further tumours and no tumour growth since July last year. This means that the chemo halted the growth. This is good news and means that I don’t have any treatment for three months.

My next appointment for a CT scan and consultation with Doc Landers is the end of April. With a bit of luck and some care I can look after my liver and stop it getting inflamed and painful. So unless something goes wrong I’ve got a free run for three months.

Last year we went to Australia, which kind of made being off chemo fairly easy because everything was different. Going back on in July discombobulated me, because I’d forgotten all the coping strategies and had to rediscover paying attention to side-effects.

I think one reason why I didn’t turn into a skeleton through this chemo, was that I remembered that eating is pretty important even when the food tastes less than tasty and the hunger pangs don’t kick in. So I lost weight during the first two cycles and then started picking up again –  now at a fair 56kgs. Doc Landers doesn’t think my proud little tummy/hip roll is a problem!

And the wheatgrass seems to still be working its magic, though I confess I’m on the pills now not the shots (yech). I’m one of the lucky ones who go through a second round of chemo cycles without having to have a blood transfusion. I had those two infections, but once we worked out how to spot them, and blast them with antibiotics quickly, it became routine.

I think what kept me going was staying connected with all of your care, via FaceBook, Skype and What’s App on the noodly days and face to face on the working/weekend days. I’ve noticed that the people from the Onco Centre, who battle the most, are those that don’t get out for a coffee, sharing a meal with friends or family, and can’t work.

I do need to say thank you again to everyone for putting up with the chemo-induced forgetfulness and noodles. I really hate those moments when I have to Google “Orson Welles” to remember “Citizen Kane”.  Then again, I’m so grateful that I can Google and not dwell on and in my fogginess.

The other thing is my gratitude for everyone accepting what I think is ‘enough’. I can’t thank each of you enough – there are too many instances of lovingkindness (such a beautiful word) to acknowledge everyone in this blog unless I blog everyday, maybe that’s what I should do. Short blogs with a list of appreciations – the value of that would be that you’d know that the things that you think are too little to mean much make a huge difference.

I do get tired and it’s bothering me that having been off chemo now for over two weeks, I still feel the need to nap after three hours of concentration. One journal article review today on top of sorting out a glitch with SAOL and various day to day things like emails, and I was ready to topple.  The difference is, I guess, that I can keep myself going, so it might be that I’ve just developed a bad, though delicious, habit of napping.  So today was the first day that I did not take a nap. It feels quite good.

I’m blessed and I really feel for people with cancer who’s work means they have to be in one place of business going to the office, or whose work is physical, like hair-dressers and those working in construction. It must be harder on the days that they are feeling and looking good and seem to be their ‘old’ selves, when the illness is invisible. The tension between wanting the ‘old normal’ back and realising that ‘new normal’ has to be the way forward – is hard to manage – enough to make anyone run away.

Not a very well thought out post. Just catching up a bit.

Word of Advice: Watch out for books – they are dangerous. Pat dropped one on her foot on Saturday – the resulting beautiful sky blue egg that blew up on her teeny foot was quite awe inspiring. A visit to the emergency room at Crompton Hospital assured us that nothing was broken and that the hematoma would go down with RICE (Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation). She was lame for three days but is hopping about quite nicely now, albeit with navy blue toes.

We’re good and you are good – thank you.