Mari pointed out to me yesterday, that she doesn’t know how I’m really doing, if I don’t blog, even though we work together, because we talk about work at work.
I’m doing fine. Truly. I’m feeling strong and don’t miss my noodly legs at all. The only thing that really reminds me that I have cancer is the numbish/ pins and needles in my finger tips and feet. I’m aware of them when I type. I sometimes miss-hit keys especially on the Mac – which I’m still getting used to – and my cell though using Swype and a stylus helps a lot. It’s a pity iPads can’t use Swype unless you ‘jailbreak’ them and thus mess up the security of the Apple operating system.
Walking isn’t a problem because the numbness is more related to texture than to pressure, so I can feel if I’m standing on something from the pressure, but not necessarily what it is. I kind of miss the texture of grass or carpet under my feet. Let this be a warning though: my pedalwork in Squashy can be a bit strange at times, so if you are in traffic with a silver Qashquai around be aware that there’s a nutty woman who’s foot might slip off the clutch if she’s not concentrating!
When I’m not busy with something, I go into ‘monitoring mode’ and become hyperconscious of any teeny pang or pain and angsting (Lee’s word) about whether the mofos are growing again. Rationally, a pain in my shoulder is more likely to be about old age or lugging my laptop than my liver, I think, but one does worry. I’ve come up with what I call a ‘full-stop mantra’ for those moments when anxiety threatens and I can’t believe that I’m feeling so well. “I live!”. Short and sharp. It has the effect of making me thank my lucky stars and looking at what counts in this moment. It’s basic but it seems to be working. The downside for Pat is that I buzz around ‘doing stuff’ to keep from dwelling on things, which may be what got me in this pickle in the first place. It must be tiring for her.
Anyway, I’m determined to avoid going back to Dr Landers until my CT scan appointment on the 12th of June, and to make the most of being of the chemo. I’ve put on 7kgs since we left for Australia. This became really obvious when I hopped down the corridor trying to pull on my Gloria van der Bilts the other day, and failed to drag them over my knees – much to Pat’s mirth.
I did manage to sit through some tv programmes on Sunday, between flopping back to bed. That was tiredness – the ordinary kind, if there’s such a thing. Mary and John invited us a while ago to Quiz Night at the Royal Yacht Club, and we went on Friday night. Our team of Mary, John, Shirl, Clifford, Sharon and Dave came 4th. I learned that the singing trio that got their name from the Tintin books was the Thompson Twins. Which made me think that British education standards went downhill a long time ago – numeracy for one! Of course when I asked Sioux that question she got it right first time and nog al, proceeded to sing a couple of their hits. G-Town has a lot to answer for.
We got home at 11.30. I was up at sparrow’s beak crack to join the walking crew for breakfast after their 8km walk to celebrate Kath’s birthday. What a pleasure to have the yummy grub, including lovely (gluten-free) mielie bread warm from the oven, without having to do the work! How nice to sit on her lovely porch with the early sun, chatting and laughing and watching Elaine trying to wiggle out of the plan to walk 30 kms from Suncoast to Umhlanga and back.
Saturday afternoon was Cindy’s baby shower. Cindy is the owner of Rocky’s preschool and is having a baby girl in July. One has to keep in with one’s dog’s boss, you know? Joan C insists that Rocky is staff not student over there. Unfortunately I had a nasty headache so Pat went off on her own to do her duty. It was obviously a success because C says she’s got everything a baby girl could need until she’s at least 4 years old, including multiple pairs of bling shoes. A sign of things to come.
Happily my headache had passed (been bombed out of existence) by the time we left for the party at Paulette’s. Sam’s Lentil and Mushroom bunny chows were scrumptious. What a clever Durban party food. I was amazed at all the vegetarian possibilities, and it was nice to catch up again with so many of the Warrior Women. Not enough time though. We got home at 12ish, but I could have happily stayed another three hours.
Sleeping in at 32 Scott is not an option with Pepper and Rocky around – I think they felt a little abandoned with all our gallivanting so much petting and bribing was in order. We vegged all day, deliciously.
Which brings me to the working week. I had had a notion that I’d work on the weekend to catch up with all the reading, writing and thinking that had built up last week. But no. I think I need to be realistic. I used to do a fair amount of work in the evenings after the working day and on weekends, but I’m limiting work to eight hours a day – unheard of in academia or teaching for that matter. Yesterday’s meetings, exciting and interesting as they were had me knackered by 5.30. Our Ed Tech ops meeting is always interesting, and meeting with Joan C and Kathleen about our Alterations article was a fun challenge. I nearly missed seeing Pham about her masters because I’d double-booked myself. Hopefully my memory failures are just a hangover from the chemo and not a sign of something else…. I live!
And this is my avatar for living:
Happy Tuesday as Pat would say.