It’s taken me until now 12:15 to get my feet under me today. On Monday, I worked from home, but trotted in for my psychologist appointment. Actually hardly trotted, because it was an uphill walk and her rooms are at the top of two narrow flights of stairs – so it was hard work – not made easier by my feeling that I didn’t want to be there. Probably denialism. Anyway when she missed the appointment I felt like a kid who had permission to be let out of school early. Luckily getting away was a downhill walk. I think maybe I should make an appointment when I need it, rather than having a fixed once a month session. Of course, the secret is knowing whether one needs it or not.
I confess that I’m feeling nervous about the CT scan next Monday. 1) that the results continue positive and 2) that I don’t feel as vrot as I did doing and waiting for the last one. I’m hopeful though, because the leg weakness hit Mon, Tues and today. Last time it hit Sat, Sun Monday. As I’ve said the ankle weights seem to help with stability, so I wore them to go into work yesterday. It’s a long march from the outside of the Currie’s Fountain parking lot up to e-Learning, especially carrying a laptop, handbag and lunch bag. The team meeting was fun and productive and then I had the delight of chatting with Andrea about her M project – it’s going to be so interesting and I hope fun for her. Then back to meeting. Can you see why work is fun – look at these hardworking people (and the larny chairs!). My spot is the one with the bag on it.
So I was at work for 5 hours yesterday. I left around 4pm, and was pretty knackered when I got home! I had a 15 minute nap but then the Gate Doctor came (they had been supposed to arrive in the morning) to fix our intercom system at 4.45 and took great delight in trying to get the bell to ring. Needless to say the nap was shortlived. They were supposed to come again this morning and also haven’t arrived. Bit slack. I hope they read this blog! I seem to have got even more of a ‘time-issue’ than I used to have – not a Good Thing in Durban – does anybody arrive on time for anything? It’s so disrespectful.
Happily, the team gave me things to work on which makes me feel less of a spare, flat and bald wheel. Given my legs yesterday and today, I don’t know if I can do a two hour training session standing up – the side-effect of the chemo are so unpredictable – it’s really difficult to say that “I’ll be available” at any given time. And successful training means generating the energy in the room when everyone is stuck in their own heads and concerned with their own issues. That takes energy. The one predictable good day according to the pattern seems to be the Thursday of chemo, but which would get me into work at 12ish and carrying the chemo pump which might be off-putting for trainees. It can be stuck in one’s pocket but the pipes need not to get kinked!
So today’s plan was to work on the business rules and do some prep for our new program design meeting tomorrow. When I got up everything felt good. What a beautiful morning. The patio refurbishment is underway so all our ‘gedoentes’ are scattered around the garden. It’s looking good. Here’s the process pic and the semi-after pic of the new bed created by the wall. It’s going to look lovely.
Wasn’t it a gorgeous morning at 5.30 this am? I haven’t sat at my desk all morning – series of naps – until now when I’ve felt energetic enough to work on the computer. I’m quite looking forward to focussing and writing a bit. Pat and I can’t go out until 3pm, though we need groceries quite urgently, and Pat’s visa pics, because the paving man neglected to tell us that we can’t walk on the patio until the sealant dries. Both patio areas are sticky and Pepper’s 4 legs are crossed in knots holding it in!
The grand thing about feeling ‘pap’ is the comfort in which to do it. Our recliners are a hit. Pat and I settle of an evening for a dose of telly and just veg for an hour or so. A worthwhile investment, if you are thinking of buying one, don’t wait – you need to get the use of it when you need it!
I really am appreciating how much modern working people do every day and in South Africa proportionately – how few people are actually working. It’s no wonder people look tense and tired most of the time. And when you are watching and worrying about kids growing up – it must be worse. I’m seriously lucky to have the time to be able to work on stuff at odd hours when it’s convenient,to be able to take the 15 – 30 minutes for the washing up (even with a dishwasher!) and to be able to take the time to appreciate Jim and Jean in the palm tree – here’s proof – if blurred. Gymnogenes are twitchy.
For these things and all the blessings of friends and family I am grateful, and now know how absolutely critical they are to well-being. I’m also thankful for having an understanding and caring employer – if you can think of a large university as ‘an employer’. The fact is that it’s the individual people who make up the university, and make a difference in the name of the institution. They are amazing.
I wish the frustrated students had enough of a view of the staff and workings of the DUT to actually understand how much caring happens there all the time – in spite of incredible odds and challenges. True there are some who don’t care, or care more about themselves than anyone else, but the majority are very Care-full. If students understood this, maybe they wouldn’t throw bricks at people and property. The SASCO unrest at DUT made me think about time and how in the not too far future, these students as adults, might regret/doubt their rightness. I know I still feel twentyish in age. The Self doesn’t age but all of a sudden one becomes aware that one ‘knows stuff’ and wonders how that happened. And then wonders how many lifetimes it might take to really ‘KNOW’ rather than making an educated guess at the truth of things.