Since Thursday I’ve been tired and had that vague sort of post-chemo nausea which I guess comes from using up my rations of steroids. Sigh. And N’s news is still haunting me.
It was probably a mistake to dispatch Pat for Steers burgers and chips for dinner tonight, but I’d spent the afternoon watching the cricket and the rain pouring down some more, whilst nibbling sunflower and melon seeds and raisins to stop me chain smoking. This led me to thinking about what I would really like to eat, and it wasn’t vegetables or fruit! (My sister, Sam’s worried that I’m not eating real food.) Well it was veggies in the sense of mash ‘n gravy and veggies in white sauces and so forth, accompanied by something meaty. The grey weather isn’t conducive to feeling active and when one is already feeling flat it doesn’t take much to disappear into a slough of depression (How’s that for a phrase?). I really think 5 days solid is over the top and that someone else might need some now. My interpretation was that I needed some iron, but it was really about comfort food. I enjoyed dinner but it’s now fighting with me – I guess they really mean it when they say stay away from deep fried foods and red meat.
My mum was so worried about Thursday’s blog that she called yesterday morning to find out how I was doing and whether I was still feeling bleak. Also whether I was going loopy. I think I kind of was. It felt like it would be really easy to just give up. We had a laugh though, about the fact that my Skype page still says that I’m off to have a nap (sorry guys I just get overwhelmed!), exhausting medical appointments and how heavy the doors to medical places are. I felt silly for grumbling. She’s been managing diabetes and osteoparosis and horrible back pain for years now – and yet she still keeps her sense of the ridiculous. Luckily she lives in Australia!
I dashed out this morning, after eggs and toast ‘soldiers’, to get Pepper and Rocky’s fancy Hill’s Joint Support low-cal doggy chunks, and some chewies to stave off their boredom at being inside most of the time. I also stopped by MacPharmacy to get some more painkillers, where Godfrey, the pharmacist, was incredibly caring asking how I am – so nice to have a pharmacist that knows who you are and what’s going on. (He called me last week to find out!) I haven’t needed any painkillers, but I figure I should have them on hand in case something strikes in the middle of the night. The Treatment Centre gave me a prescription for 100 (hopefully they’re not trying to tell me something!) but Godfrey would only let me have 20.
10kgs of dog chunks are 10kgs plus 2kgs of chewies – I was exhausted getting it into the house and conked on the couch for half an hour. When I say conked, I mean out for the count snoring. I woke feeling great and did the juicing thing. I can report that today’s juice: Pineapple, Apple and Carrot was delicious – even Pat said so.
Then we had the fabulous S&M team (Shirley and Mary!) arrive for a visit, with chocolate for Pat and a lovely cheery bouquet of orange roses. I’ve always been an ‘au naturel’ type of flower arrange (translated means stick them in a jam jar and let them be beautiful!) but I find myself quite enjoying thinking about placement and length of stem and container. Pat’s mum would be so proud of me – she did Ikebana and always talked about directing and distracting the eye and disguising the rims of the containers. It was such a lovely visit – talking about adventures walking – the Gaterite 50km that Mary and I finished leaning on each other, and the Soweto half-marathon that Shirley, Sharon and I did – here are pics of us at the shebeen afterwards.
Too many stories to write here but maybe the walking crew from the old RWFL Pinetown branch (now merged with Westville into the new and Super Cowies Hill branch) can add their stories in the comment section! I never dreamed that when I joined RWFL (to encourage Pat!) that we’d meet such amazing people and share such great memories. As I said to S&M this blog has kind of taken over from walking as a way of letting out what’s on my mind. It was nice to hear from them how everyone is getting on. I will definitely be at the side of the road cheering on the crew doing the PDAC next year.
I’m starting to think in Blog now – translated this means… Oh that’s interesting, I wonder what that means, that’s quite fun, does this warrant sharing? And these all seem to weave together into what I hope is a theme. Today’s idea of the Right Thing, is my way of thinking about how often we try to norm-reference ourselves. Like what is normal in any of these chronic diseases in any of our lives? How can we possibly try to “fight it” and what does ‘fighting’ look like?
Dee, you were right, natural yoghurt definitely helps the burps and will save Pat the price of a pair of holsters. Thank you. I don’t know if I’ll actually start growing my own – it brings up memories of Horace (my mum’s yoghurt plant) escaping over the stove because we couldn’t eat the yoghurt fast enough!
I had fun getting out of the bath yesterday and just feeling a lovely fluffy white towel under my toes. I spent five minutes chortling about the sensation. Dunno how normal that is!
On other weird things and side-effects – my nails are growing like an overenthusiastic yoghurt plant. I don’t know if this is normal, but as a strictly every 10 day nail filer, having to pay attention every second day is quite a demand.
So what is the Right Thing? Can anyone do a postgraduate degree or an article or a marathon or a menu or chronic treatment in an ‘acceptable way’ or is the secret really to do it one’s very own unique way? Quietly or noisily, publically or privately, healthily or unhealthily.
I love that so many of you have said how much you are enjoying my blog. I’m honoured that you are reading along and that you find inspiration and some laughs in my ramblings. I’m loving your comments and for the quiet ones, I love that you want to read it.